Northbound

Just a few good things lately but a whole bunch of great memories from the distant past. Yes, I'm sentimental...that's because I value friendships--most of which lasting more than a decade now. It's my choice to keep them and it's my decision to nurture the bond.

I have been out of (let's term it) hiding for several weeks now. I became visible (and audible) again after months of dormancy. During this time I reconnected with a couple of good friends I've lost touch with for quite a long time--a product of maturity, I must say. In order to get things back on track, there was only one solution...a reunion! A unity of three individuals with seemingly different backgrounds sharing the same sentiments.

Two of us residing in Manila left at dawn for a road trip to Pangasinan (north Luzon) to reconnect with the last element of the triad. It was the day after his birthday...a surprise in effect; he didn't know I was going to visit him. I sure beat his plans of him visiting me here in Manila (sneaky ol' me hehe). To sort of measure the time we haven't seen each other, that birthday boy is already married with two beautiful kids! Time really flies so fast when you're busy making something out of your life; before you know it, you're not only flipping a page or two of your planner but you have to toss the entire calendar!

After spending the entire day chatting, eating, more chatting, and a whole lot of eating, it was time to head back...to end the gluttony. Oh, come on, don't believe me.... After my well-deserved south-bound road trip nap we made a detour to Clark, Pampanga. But since the tax-free shops were already closed and it was already dinner time, we ate. (Justified, right? hehe)

Aside from the famous processed meat (Pampanga's Best tocino, longganisa, etc.), Pampanga is known for its sisig. And yes it was the best...together with bulalo and papaitan! (Please don't scold me for eating cholesterol-"blessed" food...I had to...I was out of town! hehe) We ate at this place at the heart of the soldiers' residences. I didn't mind the ambience (or lack of it) as I was having the time of my life! :)

Not only did I reconnect with my old buds, I got to be a kid again--gaping at the scenery of lush greens, animals, wide horizon, vendors and peddlers; and anticipating to taste the town's specialties. I brought home dozens of what they called "tupig" from Pangasinan--it's like suman with coconut strips. They smell so good and taste heavenly! :)

I really enjoy provincial road trips. Maybe because I grew up without a province to come home to during special occasions, fiestas, and holidays. I'm a "Manilenya"...a born city girl with a constant yearn to get out of the city :)

Milestones

May - 4th month
No more dizziness. No more woes. No more morning sickness blues! :)

I heard my baby's hearbeat for the first time--a confirmation that something alive is inside of me. The first few beats instantly turned my tear factory into high gear! Man, I couldn't stop my tears! I didn't think it would have such a huge impact because I was not exactly looking and feeling un-pregnant that I needed a confirmation. But to actually HEAR the rhythmic beat of life is a momentous event. No one can blame me for overreacting...it was just so wonderful :)

June - 5th month
Patience is a virtue.

The wait at the clinic was unusually long. For some strange reason, a whole lot of people were lined up to see my doctor on that day. Hmmm...why are all these women going for an OB consult today? Weird. Is it really the fertility year as many people have observed? (Well, that's another topic.)

What made the wait worthwhile was this little boy about 5 years old. He took an instant liking in me. Whenever he would talk, he would hold my arm or my shoulder making sure that I was listening to his stories or queries on Spiderman 3 (which I never saw), Trinoma (which I've never been), and tons of things he found amusing. He shared what his favorite car is, the directions to his house, where his tita works, etc. He was also curious where I live, study, my favorite food, and he was even inquisitive about my tummy and what's inside. (It's amazing how minds of children work!) He then left my side to be with his mom, dad and brother. But before he left the clinic, he went back and sang me a song. Now wasn't that lovely? He left me there smiling...I'll soon have my own 5-year-old and I'll try my best to answer all the questions :)

Then came the ultrasound. Oh, it was just breathtaking! It was one of those moments you'd want time to freeze and wait for you to snap out of it--yes, Aia, it's true that you're carrying a tiny human being inside your growing belly. Another confirmation. Another bout of tear production. It's one thing to hear and it's another to SEE what's inside! Even if the gender was not confirmed, I could never be more happy and more relieved to find out that things are normal (you see I wasn't exactly living a healthy lifestyle until it really dawned on me that I'll be a momma soon, which was what several weeks into the pregnancy.)

July - 6th month
I've got you under my skin...

Not only have I seen and heard my little one, now I can FEEL the kicks and punches; and twists and turns--a strong baby this one! These are the times when you'd see me looking down, holding my tummy, and smiling. I enjoy anticipating each movement and watching the waves on my belly, especially after eating a hearty meal or drinking a glass of milk. Even if sometimes it startles me or hurts, it's okay...I just think of it as mi bebe's way of saying, "hi momma!" :)


Cheers to the last trimester...!

Knowing the Difference

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I had a good and rather interesting talk with a friend whom I've known for quite a while but had lost contact in the recent years. As we reminisced from the time we met to the time we drifted, I can't help but feel a sting...because his presence in my life is meaningfully intertwined with all the memories I've treasured and will forever cherish. He is who I consider a very down-to-earth person whose principles and values are intact. His faith is strong. His perseverance is unsurmountable.

We exchanged stories and milestones that shaped us to who we are at present. I poured my heart's content--my hopes, my prayers, my struggles, my hurt--while he intently listened. With every minute I spent talking, I figured deep in his thoughts he was trying to find the right words to say to comfort me, to alleviate the pain, to side with me, to make me smile. But he did not do that. Instead he dished out the truth not on a silver platter (like how other people would). He had the let's-face-it-stop-being-a-martyr tone. It was pretty harsh but I knew I had to hear it over and over. And to soften the blow, our conversation centered on having faith in Him and allowing Him to steer the wheel, which I'm gradually learning. He gave me words of wisdom, thoughts to ponder, metaphors to reflect.

God, give me the courage to change the things I should. And give me the wisdom to accept the things that You don't want changed.

You Know Who You Are

Thank you for the invitation. Regardless of the twisted situation, the gesture is very heartwarming. The way you held on to me through my embarassing moment of weakness, telling me with just your eyes how everything will be alright, reassuring me that I am loved--these and more I will never forget :)

Thank you for letting me think out loud. I need those moments to be sane, otherwise I'll just go crazy. I appreciate the way you had been impartial as you listened to my what-ifs. I need to talk to more people like you--for balance because i already have a number of people on my bitter bandwagon :)

Thank you for being genuinely friendly and accepting. Yes, we already know each but only to a certain extent--i.e., virtually--and to have the opportunity to actually get to know you is just amazing! When you hugged me that first time, it felt so wonderful. I really would love to spend more time with you :)

Thank you for taking the time to talk to me on the phone that day. You've always been there to support me and to give me strength. I have always looked up to you for being such a strong person. I admire your honesty. You are one of those people who inspire me that there will indeed be a silver lining...in time :)

Thank you for welcoming me with open arms. It has been quite a while since we last saw each other. And I really missed you--each one of you. Seeing you brought back a lot of great memories. Yes, you're right...there were times that I felt awkward for being there but when you acknowledged my presence, welcomed me, and prayed for me, it was the greatest feeling! I will truly appreciate those times you held my hand and hugged me because you made me feel that no matter the distance (which is compounded by the situation) I know you'll be there...ready to uplift my spirits. You may not know this but you've taught me how to trust in Him in a more meaningful level. You're all very wonderful and understanding. And I can't express enough how much I love you :)

"Things happen for a reason"

Yeah right. Then what is the reason behind the year that was and the year that is?

Let's begin with 2006: I had things going great--i had a job that I love and i had someone whom I love. I had a flourishing love life most people envy. We didn't have all the riches in the world but we can afford simple getaways and sometimes lavish treats. We spend quality time with both families. Perfect. Of course after nearly five years, there were already pangs of monotony and longing for excitement. But that was that. No biggie. It's normal for every couple.

At least that's what I thought.

Twists and turns were constantly shaking the foundation that before the year ended it crashed. More like imploded. Truly unexpected. Every thing soon after was a blur. All I could think of is ending the year and looking forward to the new one...in hopes of turning a new leaf altogether.

So at the stroke of midnight, I felt hope that life can still be better. It's already 2007. A sigh of relief. A breath of fresh air. A soothing hug and the look of love. That the past year became a huge sign from above--I should learn from those twists and turns and things will be alright. Maybe that was the "reason."

At least that's what I thought.

It's still 2007. And you guessed it right--things are not better. Hope is thinning out. My sighs are not those of relief. I breathe all but fresh air. And the hugs I must say are still soothing but only to compensate for the lack (and no longer the look) of love. No matter which angle I choose, I still cannot grasp the "reason."