Tickle me...please!

This goes to show how extremely bored I am that I find desperate ways to amuse myself. These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from the papers abroad. Allow me to make fun of them. Hmm...makes me want to research what our local writers can contribute to this list...hehe =p

• Court Rules Boxer Shorts Are Indeed Underwear: Journal of Commerce, April 20 -- are they really?!
• Lack of brains hinders research: The Columbus Dispatch, April 16 -- ahaha! that explains the title!
• Dirty-Air Cities Far Deadlier Than Clean Ones, Study Shows: The New York Times, March 10 -- jeez! who doesn't know that?!
• Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find: The Los Angeles Times, November 2 -- they had to research on that?!
• Alcohol ads promote drinking: The Hartford Courant, November 18 -- (shaking my head in disbelief...)
• Malls try to attract shoppers: The Baltimore Sun, October 22 -- (...and again)
• Teen-age girls often have babies fathered by men: The Sunday Oregonian, September 24 -- often?! try "always"!
• Include your Children when Baking Cookies -- yummy!
• Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says -- you have gotta be kidding me...
• Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case -- please explain...anyone?
• Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents -- "hahaha...it's your turn!"
• Prostitutes Appeal to Pope -- hmm...celibacy alert!
• Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over -- oooh...cross-breed!
• Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years -- how'd that happen?!
• Autos Killing 110 a Day--Let's Resolve to Do Better -- let's double it!
• Antique Stripper to Display Wares at Store -- antique=old=eeew!!!
• Lingerie Shipment Hijacked--Thief Gives Police The Slip -- a silk one i suppose...

And that's the end of my headline-bashing moment. Now was that fun or what?! Naah...I'm just bored....

Romantic...NOT!

Just wanted to share with you an email I got. I rarely appreciate forwarded emails, but this one caught my attention and actually made me read it...or is it because I'm just bored...hmmm? Oh well...

Enough...hear it is...

Some of these are hysterical... these are entries to a Washington Post competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line... But the least romantic second line.

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.

Thought that I could love no other
That is until I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell"

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

So how was it? Hilarious, right? You oughtta laugh some time, you know! (",)