Truth

It doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood... and how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy... and sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door...

And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new... and you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again... and little pieces of your soul will finally come back... and all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

(~The Holiday)

The Road to Realization

All because the feeling's there, the feeling's real, the feeling's overwhelming...

At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross.

Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.

Intimacy is a four syllable word for, "Here's my heart and soul, please grind them into hamburger, and enjoy." It's both desired, and feared. Difficult to live with, and impossible to live without. Intimacy also comes attached to the three R's... relatives, romance, and roommates. There are some things you can't escape. And other things you just don't want to know.

I just need something to happen, I need a sign that things are going to change. I need a reason to go on. I need some hope! And in the absence of hope, I need to stay in bed a feel like I'm going to die today.

Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breathe deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more.

Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?

There's something to be said about a glass half full. About knowing when to say when. I think it's a floating line. A barometer of need and desire. It's entirely up to the individual. And depends on what's being poured. Sometimes all we want is a taste. Other times there's no such thing as enough, the glass is bottomless. And all we want, is more.

At the end of the day, there are some things you just can't help but talk about. Some things we just don't want to hear, and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say, they're what you do. Some things you say cause there's no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself. And not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves.

How do you know when how much is too much? Too much too soon. Too much information. Too much fun. Too much love. Too much to ask... And when is it all just too much to bear?

Okay, here it is, your choice... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. But [], I love you, in a really, really big pretend-to-like-your-taste-in-music, let-you-eat-the-last piece-of-cheesecake, hold-a-radio-over-my-head-outside-your-window, unfortunate-way-that-makes-me-hate-you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.

(~Dr. Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy)

Way Back Into Love

I’ve been living with a shadow, over head
I’ve been sleeping with a cloud, above my bed
I’ve been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can’t seem to move on

I’ve been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
just in case I ever need them again someday
I’ve been setting aside time
to clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can’t make through without a way back into love
Oh-oh

I’ve been watching
but the stars refuse to shine
I’ve been searching
but I just don’t see the signs
I know that it’s out there
there’s gotta be something for my soul somewhere

I’ve been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
and I’m open to your suggestions

All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I’m hoping that you’ll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don’t know if it’s real
or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I’m hoping you’ll show me what to do
and if you’ll help me to start again
you know that I’ll be there for you in the end