To Whom It May Concern:

I am truly sorry for disappearing and being out of reach for the past months. This is what actually happened:

Last March, I told the team (at work) I'm pregnant. Given that my teammates were all guys, I felt the need to make them understand what to expect of me in the next months--fatigued and exhausted that I could no longer stay late in the office; out of focus or less concentrated given my hormones are out of whack; and a whole lot of things. Those times that I would not be at my desk maybe you were thinking that I was downstairs smoking, but the truth is I was vomiting and/or taking catnaps in the restroom! Shameful to admit but that was how my body was reacting to this whole change.

By April, I was really having a terrible pregnancy--morning sickness and all those symptoms at its peak! There'd be mornings where I'd be on my way to work then halfway through I'd have to take a cab going back home because I was feeling really sick and about to faint. Then I'd call in sick. I wanted to take two days off from work to re-energize and be fresh for the incoming week--the week when I planned to make my grand announcement.

I thought the boss would understand. Apparently not.

He then sends me all these messages--that he already made a decision because the team cannot depend on the uncertainties of my predicament (meaning my pregnancy) and that I should turn over office equipment immediately. What an a$s!!!

And then I fell into the blackhole of depression.

As you all know, I was living alone so getting eaten up by depression was rather easy. I didn't have the energy and guts to tell a single soul; let alone to cry. I lived a life of seclusion for weeks--dazed and harboring anger, worthlessness, self pity, hurt--until a friend came by. Instantly I became weak and cried myself a river. I was vulnerable. Everything after was a blur. All I could remember was waking up crying and going to sleep crying. A lot of things came into play--I was pregnant and unemployed. I knew then I could no longer maintain my apartment so I moved back.

By May, I gathered enough courage to do the right thing. File a labor case. So I did...all the way in QC! In the process, I had to talk to a lot of people for legal counseling. I had to be quiet about all this and not tell anyone connected (even in the minutest way) in the office. I did not want him to flee; I wanted him to be caught off guard.

By June, I became busy preparing--studying my rights, overcoming the dreaded what-ifs--and going to hearings. Until its conclusion days ago.

I am still pregnant and unemployed.

But this time I'm smiling :)