Still Holding On...

Is convincing myself that I made the right decision just a long, winding, painstaking journey to the supposedly unhappy ending? Am I just prolonging the agony? I know there are no guarantees in life; otherwise, everybody will be living complacently and I wouldn't be writing this piece. But this time, I need a sign that I'm actually on the right track...that's all I need.

Despite the yearning for a sign, at times I view myself as just needing some sort of assurance (well, okay...constant assurance) that everything will be alright, that I won't have to carry the burden all by myself, that soon enough Happiness will come knocking again on my door.

Remember that ray of light? How do I hold on to it? I don't want to creep back into that dark and lonely place. I want to be liberated from all the strings that pull me down and make me feel all too miserable...but I don't know how. If only there's an "Overhauling Your (Love) Life for Dummies" or an indexed guide of "Solutions to ALL (Love) Life's Problems"...I would buy me a copy (even copies to share with fellow troubled souls). Unfortunately, no one in his right mind would ever attempt to venture in that area. Yes, a few have tried but none succeeded.

To hope is what I do best nowadays...hoping that tomorrow will be a brighter day, that somehow my point will come across and progress will be realized, that certain things will change for the better, that bad habits will be eliminated, etc. But when I try to dissect my thoughts, I get confused...because at this stage, there's a very thin line between Hope and Expectation and I can't help but cross--instead of hoping that this person will understand me, I unintentionally expect it to happen!

I guess I still have to work on my compartmentalizing skills...(sigh)

Oh well...here's to another attempt to document my sentiments...Cheers!